Heart : The Room Where You Live Inside

    Have you ever falling in love with the person who you didn't want to be with? Judge the person that s/he doesn't fit you at all. And day by day, with all the coincidences, you have the chance to get to know more about him/her and you finally end up with them, have you?

    I personally have never thought I would end up with the person who I didn't like before. He was just too good to passed by. This guy was way too unattractive in my eyes. Don't you feel it so, Dewa?

    Whenever I throwback how could we know each other, I'm gonna laugh my ass off. Rachel, my classmate at freshman year as well as Dewa's friend introduce us through Instagram because of our "notes" were related to each other AHAHHAHAHA. She was trying to match-making us, but it doesn't succeed at first. This is silly af, ikr? Dewa texted me on dms afterwards.  He was talking about history and generally related to Ottoman Empire which I'm into this field a lot. Actually, I'm glad to find somebody who loves to talk to me in history. Yet, somehow I felt like his traits didn't match me. I concerned the most about his talkativeness, coz it didn't make me feel comfortable as we're just known each other back then. So, I decided to ignore all his messages and seems he doesn't that care as well ahahaha. 

    About 2 months later, I replied his story on IG just to ask where tf beautiful place at. From there, we do chit chat frequently. Long story short, as I'm getting close to him, I find and see things I didn't see before in him. Thus, I changed my mind. I let him approach me. I let him enter my world.

    People say, "You can't help who you fall for." Well, I couldn't agree more. I have no excuses to not fall for this guy. Everything about him feels right and fit. I'm falling deeper as I see the way he makes sure that I'm fine. The way this weirdo acts insane just to make me laugh, somehow has gotten under my skin. At some point, I can see the best of him. His current personality traits he's shown perfectly dazzle me. He is so dope. He has the sense of self. However, he is he. He is Dewa Adra and that's the sole thing that makes me into him.

     People might see him as a hell raiser, acting out, such a tosser, and so on. Besides, the most essential thing is he's nice to me. He's not getting out of the boundaries we've set up. I don't give a damn shit what people say about him that could affect us in a bad way. I make allowance for him, as long as he is kind and treat himself, me and people right. 

    I was giving myself more space for a year to re-think and make things up. As the result, I'm keenly aware what kind of a relationship suppose to be and all the risks. I recognize what I want and need. I need a partnership, not an ownership. For me, my partner is the person I called as a second home, after myself. The one I can trust with. The person who always try to figure out and reminds me whenever I make mistakes, instead of judge and banish me immediately. The guy who wants to make time, make rules, and make room for improvement. I don't mind to break my standards and swallowing my pride only for this guy, coz he's definitely what I've been looking for. There's no way to go back. Whatever will be, let it be. All I can do now is always want to try to comprehend and grow up together with him. Upgrade ourselves. Be a qualified human being. 

    With all of these words I've written down, I can say that I'm genuinely ready to continue the new chapter with Dewa. I would love to hear his dad jokes every day. I'm willing to compromise in a relationship with this guy. Hence, I'm already yours. 

Mars, 11/05/2023